The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
