Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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