Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
