do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
