wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
