This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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