Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
