how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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