I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
