OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
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She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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