Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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