Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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