Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
