Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
