How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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