that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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