i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
