let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
