What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
