Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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