I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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