just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
