Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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