He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
