I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
