Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
