This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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