weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
