her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
