i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
