I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
