I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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