A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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