I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize