I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm like, not good at living.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
