I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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