It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's never too late to be topless.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
