Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
