Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
