I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
