What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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