big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN