I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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