I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
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I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection