The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf