I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Boobs speak an international language.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
