you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
