3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
