i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
