don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
