a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
