why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
