okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
