Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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