There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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