you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Come on in and take your pants off
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