worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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