Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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