So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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