On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
