I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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