Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
