Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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