If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
