it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
