you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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