sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
meet me or not, i'm out of control
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He keeps bees of course he's weird
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
