You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
