i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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