I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
im on a boat
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