I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
