like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
