i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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