so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
