My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
