The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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