lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
