office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
